82 Days

82 days... that's a scary thought.  As I drag myself into work everyday, I think...  starting with the new year, I won't have to do this anymore!  Then I get here, socialize with friends and colleagues, do my job, feel I have some worth (even if just a little) to this organization.  Then I realize I really don't.  Right now, people who know of my plans (and don't believe them) say comforting things like; "we'll be lost without you."  "they don't realize what they'll lose once your gone."  But who am I kidding?  People come and go all the time and for a few weeks they might remember I knew this, or did this, or some such... eventually someone else will know and do.

I remind myself of what I tell others.  If you feel you're invaluable, think about a bucket of water with your finger in it... once you take your finger out what happens?  Right, nothing.. the water closes in like your finger was never there, and so it will be.

I think about my conversation with Rich the other day when he said he has no purpose.  I told him that wasn't true, and it isn't.. your job does not give you purpose.  But... now that that seed has been planted, will that be me too?  A feeling of purposelessness (wow, is that even a word?).

So as I sit here today, head pounding, eyes burning trying to catch up on all the things that have to get done and that I want done before I say my goodbyes, I think.... will anyone notice?  or even care?  If not, then this wasn't my purpose.

I think Rich and I will find a new purpose... maybe just enjoy ourselves, our family and the world around us!

Until next time...