"The time has come...

the Walrus said, to talk of other things; of ships and string and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings..."

So here we are.  I have 2 more days of work and then, after 20 years in this building, in this institution, I will be gone.  I began my career as a work-study student (not a typical 18 year old, more like a 43 year old), and the week I finished my course work I was hired as an employee.

I have held 4 different positions, I have learned and grown; worried and celebrated; been trained and trained.  I hope I have been supportive, compassionate and helpful.  I hope I am remembered fondly, but I think that is a pipe dream, if history here is any indication.

I have made many friends and had a few wonderful mentors.  I leave with a mixture of sadness and joy; a sense of worry and a sense of adventure.  But I have done all I can and I feel in my heart of hearts I am doing the right thing for the right reason.

And so Friday 12/21/12 is my last day of work... in a way, the Mayans were right... it will be the end of the world as I know it... but I will wake up to a new dawn and a new beginning.

Thank you all for taking this journey with me.

Down to the wire

I have 7 working days left!  SEVEN (not counting today, of course, since I'm here and the day's half over)!!!!   I am filled with a strange mixture of excitement and doubt.  Similar to buying a new house.  I can't wait to not work, but then I think how long will that last and am I doing the right thing?  I never thought I'd really be in this position.  I used to love coming here and working.  I still love my job, itself; and the people I work with... just not the environment.

I am doing the right thing... maybe not retiring, but leaving this place that has been my 'home' for 16 years.  Sixteen years as an employee, but when you think about it I've been here for almost 20 years.  During my 4 or so years as a student, I worked in the Financial Aid Office, upon graduation I worked in the Admission, then Registrar, and finally Institutional Research offices.  The final 12 being here in IR.  I've learned a lot, accomplished a lot and made many good friends here.  It will be sad, and different, not having that interaction anymore.  Weird...

But, from other friends who have retired, I understand I will love it.. I will be busy.. I'll wonder how I had time to work!  I certainly hope so!  Then, of course, there is the financial uncertainty.  I know, I know..our "Wealth Advisers" have it worked out, and they seem confident that we will be fine, but it's still a big adjustment.

So here I sit.. finishing up last minute things, worrying about who will be doing the things I do once I leave.  I guess that's not my worry.  No one was concerned enough to ask me to stay until they hired someone.  And, the ad they posted is for someone to do something that is very different from what I've done over the last 12 years, so I guess if they don't care, why should I?

So here it is... 7 more working days and then I have the rest of my life to figure out how I want to spend my time....   hard to believe!

15 Days

My last day of work is 15 days away.  Not my official retirement day, but my last day of work.  Actually only 11 working days (not counting today).   It's weird.  I'm trying my best to wrap things up so that no one can come back and say I didn't do...  I even did things that weren't due until February.

Yesterday HR gave me a long list of things I need signed off on before I can leave.  Various departments who need to verify that I have turned in everything I should, etc.

But the nicest thing so far are the well wishes from Faculty and Staff who have heard that I am leaving. They seem genuinely happy that I have the opportunity to retire and they have made me feel that I will be missed... at least by them.   Sometimes when you work at a place with a lot of people, you believe they know you by sight, but not really who you are.  This week is proving they do know who I am, as people who have never been to my office, in my 12 years in this office, have stopped by.

On of the things on my HR "to do" list is make an appointment with the President for her 'exit interview.'  THAT I am not looking forward to.  I want to tell her how sad I am at the state of things and how worried I am for the institution, but she is not the kind of person who wants to hear that....true or not.    If you try to share something you see as a problem, she accuses you of just being negative.  She can hear the same complaint over and over and it still doesn't sink in.  That's too bad, but another reason I don't want to meet and leave on a confrontational note.

So here we are... 15 days from the final good-bye.  *sighs deeply*  I know I'm doing the right thing for me!

'til next time.

The deed is done!

The deed is done!  Last Monday I told HR and my immediate supervisor of my decision to retire at the end of the year.   It was well received by them, but what could they say or do?  There are others here on campus who have told me how much I'll be missed and how much I've done for them over the years.  Those are the people who count... because Administration is Administration and they value no one!

The sad thing is the work I do here will go undone because I hear they want someone with a higher degree in statistics or analytics.  Good luck... that person, of course, will make a boatload more money than they pay me, and that person will have to do 1/2-1/3 the work I do. That person will not care about data integrity, the way I do.. making sure it's correct in the system.

There are many other things that I have done, can do and did do over my 16 years here that no one will pick up.  They'll remember how I used to do that for them, and I can only hope someone picks up the slack, but as I've been saying...."not my problem."

My official departure date is 12/31, but with the holidays, my last day of work is 12/21 (the end of the Mayan Calendar, and truly the end of the world as I know it!)!! YIKES...  15 working days left!

I'll probably write once or twice more to let you know how the end went,

'til next time...

Delayed

Today was to be the day.  The day I made it official that I plan to retire at the end of the calendar year.  But HR wasn't in today, so the plan has been stalled.  I really wanted to do it today, because tomorrow morning I meet with the yet-another new boss and I was hoping to have this done before I told her.   But maybe that's the procedure; tell your supervisor first, then HR.  Well I don't know, I just know I need to stop waffling and do this.

Still a little nervous and apprehensive, because not working is a big step!  A BIG STEP! I think I'm ready for this, but am I really?   I struggle with liking my job, the people I work with and the sense of value that I often experience here.  However, the administration has made it toxic and unbearable to continue to care.

So there you are.. no news :(   Maybe tomorrow.

'til next time.

Time to make the announcement

Depending on the reaction I get, I have 28 or 38 more days to go.  I had the week off and enjoyed it thoroughly.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, so needless to say this was a great week of lounging, waiting for Thanksgiving dinner, buying a new artificial Christmas tree as well as a live tree; helping mend the Christmas blow-ups and generally 'practicing' for retirement.

In the past, a week like this would have me itching to get back to work, but that's not the case.  So on Monday, I will go to HR and tell them of my decision to retire as of 1/1/13.   There are 3 things that will happen:

1 - They will accept my decision and my last day of work will be the end of the year.   I'm hoping it would be 12/21, with getting paid for my earned holidays and taking my last 2 personal days between the holidays.

2 - They will accept my decision and my last day of work with be 12/21 and I will not get paid for my holidays.

3 - They will say thanks, but no thanks and ask me to leave immediately.  That would be a really, really shitty thing to do, but I have no faith or trust in our management anymore, so this is the scenario I am preparing for.
I'm not OK with it, but I fully expect it.  so we'll see.

Well, back to enjoy the rest of my holiday weekend.... I will definitely write next week and let you know how they reacted.

'til next time,

I might have been wrong...

Not about retiring, that's a given.  More solidly than before!!!  But about the # of days.  I was counting on 12/31 as my last day, but looking at the calendar and holiday breaks I realize I maybe only working until 12/21 because there is no way in hell this place will pay me for holidays if I'm not returning.  So we'll see it's either 38 or 48 days, but I'm betting, 38... that's assuming they will let me stay that long.

I've been debating between submitting my intent today or waiting until after Thanksgiving.  I can use the long Thanksgiving weekend as the time when, after much discernment, I decided this is best for me.  Who am I kidding.  I should tell them now, even if it means not working in December.  After all, I'm retiring, not quitting, right?  lol.. right!

'til next time.

One more nail in the coffin!

Down to 49 days, if I ever give second thought over the weekends, all I need do is come in on Monday and have my decision confirmed!!!!

It's 8:47 AM, my phone rang, I answered it, it was the Financial Planner, but the minute I said hello, the President comes in.  I put the call on hold and she said, "Is that school business?"  Seriously??  Then she said, "What are you working on today, we need you to have a daily goal."  So I listed the 4-5 things that are on my immediate calendar for today and she said, "Well, Oh, good.  How long will they take you to do?  We need to keep track of how long things take."  I said, " I keep track, I have a whole spread sheet of the jobs I do and the time it takes to complete them."   Seriously!!!  I really only track the time on internal requests, but honestly this is ridiculous.

She was here at 4:45 PM on Friday just to make sure no one left early.   The anger I feel right now is absolutely ridiculous.

Thanksgiving is 11/22, on Monday 11/26 I am turning in my intentions to retire Dec 31.  If they tell me to go immediately, fine... I'm out!

Taking home more personal affects this week.

'Til next time.

Ch ch ch changes

Well more changes at work, more changes that make even less sense than ever.  They don't know what they want.. well they know but they're wrong, I'm sure.  The latest change promotes someone who has never, ever worked in admission or enrollment management so I don't know how they can lead the department, since they have no strategies to bring to the table.

So what does that mean for me?  That means I am really done here!  I feel disrespected, and I feel the downward trend will continue because anyone with expertise is relieve of their position.

So here we are... 52 days and I will walk away from this insanity.   I want to feel confident that we can afford to do this but what more choice is there?   It's not worth the aggravation!

Until next time!

Less than 2 months

I have less than 2 months!  I'm at my last conference for work with mixed emotions.  I'm here learning things and getting new ideas all the while knowing I won't be there to implement them or see them to fruition.   I'm really hoping I can bring home a couple things I can put into place before I leave so that no one can say I didn't work until the end.

I know I need to notify HR and my boss about my intent, but I think I'll wait until the end of Nov/beginning of Dec before I make this official.  I have been preparing friends and co-workers, but they  don't take me seriously.

Those I tell keep asking what my plans are.  What are my plans?  Right now I have none.  Will I want to work part time?  yes and no.   But as to where, what... I have no clue.

Well,  a little less than 2 months to figure it out.

D

Down to 70 days

So 70 days, a little over 2 months!  I'm beginning to understand Rich's apprehension as the date drew near for him.  I am feeling it now.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I really like what I do, and the majority of the people I work with, but I just want a change, I've been at this job for 12 years, and with the institution about 16.

Right now I think I just want to wake up w/o an alarm or come and go as I please.  But, will I feel like that when I can actually do it?  Also, am I too young to do this?  We always envy people who retire and enjoy life early, but when it comes to oneself it's an entirely different story.

So I have nothing new to add today, I just wanted to touch base and hopefully convince myself my feels of anxiety are natural.

Di

77 Days

It's amazing how the time is flying by!  I'm sure it will fly by even faster as we get through the holiday season. I told some colleagues, at a workshop last week, that this would be my last.  So many people know now that I can't believe "administration" doesn't know.  If they do, they aren't saying anything to me, or asking about my plans.

In the meantime, I go about my day to day work as if nothing is going to change.  I work on requests, attend seminars, conferences, group meetings as I would if the end of the year were bringing nothing more than a new calendar.

I feel if I tell enough people, that I won't back down.  But the funny thing is I don't want to back down.  I'm actually looking forward to it.  Of course, right now is the most stressful time for me (at my job), and that is only amplified by the unsettled personnel issues.

I don't know how I'll fill my days... that's something I'm starting to think about.  Rich is worried and he's always had things to do that keep him busy.  That's not me, though.. so who knows what will come of that.

But I have to say that while I love my colleagues (most of them) and like my work, I don't want to do it anymore.  There's a reason people change jobs/careers every 7 years.  

Until next time....

82 Days

82 days... that's a scary thought.  As I drag myself into work everyday, I think...  starting with the new year, I won't have to do this anymore!  Then I get here, socialize with friends and colleagues, do my job, feel I have some worth (even if just a little) to this organization.  Then I realize I really don't.  Right now, people who know of my plans (and don't believe them) say comforting things like; "we'll be lost without you."  "they don't realize what they'll lose once your gone."  But who am I kidding?  People come and go all the time and for a few weeks they might remember I knew this, or did this, or some such... eventually someone else will know and do.

I remind myself of what I tell others.  If you feel you're invaluable, think about a bucket of water with your finger in it... once you take your finger out what happens?  Right, nothing.. the water closes in like your finger was never there, and so it will be.

I think about my conversation with Rich the other day when he said he has no purpose.  I told him that wasn't true, and it isn't.. your job does not give you purpose.  But... now that that seed has been planted, will that be me too?  A feeling of purposelessness (wow, is that even a word?).

So as I sit here today, head pounding, eyes burning trying to catch up on all the things that have to get done and that I want done before I say my goodbyes, I think.... will anyone notice?  or even care?  If not, then this wasn't my purpose.

I think Rich and I will find a new purpose... maybe just enjoy ourselves, our family and the world around us!

Until next time...

88 Days

88 Days.  that's what my ticker says.  Rich's retirement began today, officially... His birthday.  Last night he told me he's not sure he did the right thing, he doesn't know what to do, he has no purpose.  I expected he'd have some adjustment, but this revelation took me by surprise.   Makes me want to give a second thought to following suit.

I know that I, too, will miss the everyday and the camaraderie of the job.  But how can you miss the BS and  the aggravation and constant stress.   Maybe if we were off together we would both feel better.  I think we probably both need to find something to do with our time, be it volunteer or pay.

I told Rich to volunteer at the animal shelter one or two days a week until the beginning of the year and then decide what you want to do.

Funny how something you were so sure of, suddenly doesn't seem like the right idea.  I think it will be rough for a few months, but we'll find our way.

D

96 Days

Well, I'm down to 96 days.  In 96 days I will either still be working or not.  While still a little nervous, and uncertain if I'm making the right decision, I think I have decided this is the route to take.   I have mentioned this to colleagues, in preparation of the inevitable, but they don't believe me.  I have not make any official statement of intent to HR or my immediate supervisor (of the month).

So, here is why I think I'm there.  We had another meeting with the financial people to discuss where we will put our money.  Knowing nothing about this, I really have to depend on their expertise, and the recommendations of people who have invested with them.  The portfolios and types of investments they have shown us make good solid sense, as solid as investing can be, anyway.  And the overall performances of these products over the last 5-10 years is impressive.

Am I still a little concerned?  Yes.  But Rich isn't working, no overtime... which is what I depended on to cover those extra expenses we incur.  If we are not working, the gasoline costs will definitely go way, way down.  Of course, Rich will want to do more things around the house, so those costs might go up.  He's already considering a part-time job, so that will keep him occupied elsewhere! 

But what about me?  Work?  Not work?   Book more weddings?  Sell more handcraft items?  These are the next round of decisions. 

One final big decision, however, is when to actually 'put in my notice.'   Things here are in such upheaval that my heart hates to walk away, while my mind is saying "RUN....  RUN, RUN, RUN!"   The one thing I really want to do is make sure that MY things are done.  I don't doubt for a minute how I'll be bashed and bad-mouthed once I'm gone, but I want to make sure no one can say I left anything undone!

So that's where we are....  The discernment is way more troubling than the decision!

Until next time.

104 days

So it's down to 104 days...  I am so torn.   Things at work are in turmoil... because of the turmoil, I want more than ever to leave and not feel bad everyday.  On the other hand, the turmoil makes me feel guilty for leaving, wanting to leave.   Is it my responsibility though?  Am I responsible to hold up another department that isn't my department?

They are falling like dominoes since the 2nd 'interim' VP has been put in place.   I try to look at everything objectively, but we are losing good people and that makes me sad.  They left on their own, but left because they feel no other choice was left them.  I'm sad to lose them, but even more sad at what the results might be.  At this rate, I won't have to worry about retiring, because there will be no job to retire from :(

Rich is done.  His last day was Friday.  It's really too early to feel the results of it, because this would have been his 4 day weekend, and technically he's on vacation, but in 2 weeks we'll really be able to experience his retirement.   I'm a little jealous, but also a little wary.

I know they say we have the money to do it, but it's still a little scary to think about it.   So I need to decide and I need to decide when I'm going to let them know at work.   I was going to wait until December, but I might not have that luxury.   Decisions, decisions....

D

It's down to  113 days and I'm feeling closer and closer to a decision.  Friday I learned that our Interim VP has been replaced with yet another consulting firm and interim VP; this more to Sr. D's liking I'm guessing.  I'm tired of breaking in new bosses.  Explaining our procedures and history, revamping all the reporting because they have something they like better.   This one is suppose to be here until June when they will open the search again.

I am thinking more and more of making an offer to work part-time to complete surveys, but I'm not even sure that's the route I want to go.  After all, I'd still be under the same scrutiny and attacks that have led me to this point.

Friday, Rich and I had his exit interview with HR, some good, some bad.  One thing we hadn't counted on when we were told that his insurance would continue as a retiree was how much that was going to cost!  Finances are the scary thing about retiring.  While lots of people have told us they are better off since retirement, the pool of money we have will go a lot faster when we have to drop $600 a month or so on health care :(  He's retiring for sure, but it may mean back to the drawing board for me.   Time will tell.... 112 more days to be specific.

For now I plan to go to a conference in November and possible state my intentions at the beginning of December.   Of course, I don't know if they will let me work the entire month, once i give my notice, so that's something that remains to be seen.

All I know is when i leave that's one more down and Sr. D will only have 2 more to go until she can put in her 'dream team.'  Good luck with that!

That's it for now....   will write more tomorrow, maybe after I've met the new VP.

D

Labor Day 2012

I wasn't planning to write again so soon.  Like I said in my first post, I don't really know how this things works.  But, today is labor day...  one of those rare days in the work year when you don't have to get up early, don't have to be anywhere at a certain time, and don't really HAVE to do anything.   We cooked out today, with the progeny, but all in all it was a laid back day.

This morning, I sat in my swing chair and read a book.  I looked at a Facebook post a friend made about how she was spending her Labor Day watching a movie, and I shared what I was doing.   After that post it made me think.  I could spend every nice day of the year doing just this!  No alarm clock, no getting up by 7 unless I wanted to, no doing anything I didn't feel like doing.  That's retirement.

Like I said in my first post, 120 days was my soft goal...but getting firmer every day.

The downside to all this, of course, is boredom.  While it's really appealing to do this once or twice a year, or take a week's vacation and do nothing, but could I do it day after day, year after year from now on?  On the upside, I wouldn't have to drive in the winter.  I could get a part-time job; I could get a seasonal job... there are options. 

So who am I trying to convince here?  Do I really need convincing or is my mind made up?  Maybe my mind is made up, but I'm trying to convince myself it's the right decision because I have never really thought of myself as not working.

I can remember going on vacation, or being off during the winter holidays and thinking, "I can't wait to get back to work."  That doesn't happen anymore.  Is that the indication that I am done?  That I have overstayed my welcome?   I don't know.  That's what this blog is for.... to help me get to that point where there are no second thoughts.

Until next time...

Soft goal

120 Days

            Lots of people are blogging today.  Blogging, like journaling, has never been my thing because while I may be able to write a good paper, or edit someone else’s, I’m not a creative writer.  I know bloggers.  A former colleague wrote a wistful and insightful blog about her family’s time living in England.  My son writes a very entertaining blog about video gaming.  But I have no such way with words, so this blog, while getting me through a process will probably not be so entertaining L

            So why write it?  In my various careers I have had to set goals.  In my Tupperware career I set sales and recruiting goals.  In higher ed I set office goals.  Now it’s my turn.  One-hundred and twenty days is my ‘soft’ goal, but as I tell co-workers it’s becoming more firm every day. 

So what is 120 days?  That is the target date I set for retirement. It’s a soft goal because I haven't completely convinced myself this is what I want to do and hopefully this blog will help me through the process.  And, if anyone is reading it, your comments might also provide insight.

Right now, as I start this blog, my husband is 2 weeks away from retirement.  That is one of the reasons I’m considering doing the same.  The thought that he can sleep in every morning while I have to get up for work is depressing to say the least.  I hate the alarm clock!  Every day I hit the snooze button more and more often.  So between my hate of the alarm clock and my jealousy over Rich’s ability to sleep in everyday from here on out, I’m ready to give serious thought to retirement.

Another reason I’m considering retirement is the morale (or lack thereof) and the politics at work.  I like my job, don’t get me wrong.  I like what I do and I like the people I work with (directly).  Administration, however, is another matter.  And because of the climate that has developed over the last few years, I no longer have the desire to play in this sandbox.

So that’s where we are…  I don’t know how this blog thing works or how often one is supposed to post, but this is the start….  We’ll see where it ends.