So 70 days, a little over 2 months! I'm beginning to understand Rich's apprehension as the date drew near for him. I am feeling it now. As I mentioned in a previous post, I really like what I do, and the majority of the people I work with, but I just want a change, I've been at this job for 12 years, and with the institution about 16.
Right now I think I just want to wake up w/o an alarm or come and go as I please. But, will I feel like that when I can actually do it? Also, am I too young to do this? We always envy people who retire and enjoy life early, but when it comes to oneself it's an entirely different story.
So I have nothing new to add today, I just wanted to touch base and hopefully convince myself my feels of anxiety are natural.
Di
Monday, October 22, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
77 Days
It's amazing how the time is flying by! I'm sure it will fly by even faster as we get through the holiday season. I told some colleagues, at a workshop last week, that this would be my last. So many people know now that I can't believe "administration" doesn't know. If they do, they aren't saying anything to me, or asking about my plans.
In the meantime, I go about my day to day work as if nothing is going to change. I work on requests, attend seminars, conferences, group meetings as I would if the end of the year were bringing nothing more than a new calendar.
I feel if I tell enough people, that I won't back down. But the funny thing is I don't want to back down. I'm actually looking forward to it. Of course, right now is the most stressful time for me (at my job), and that is only amplified by the unsettled personnel issues.
I don't know how I'll fill my days... that's something I'm starting to think about. Rich is worried and he's always had things to do that keep him busy. That's not me, though.. so who knows what will come of that.
But I have to say that while I love my colleagues (most of them) and like my work, I don't want to do it anymore. There's a reason people change jobs/careers every 7 years.
Until next time....
In the meantime, I go about my day to day work as if nothing is going to change. I work on requests, attend seminars, conferences, group meetings as I would if the end of the year were bringing nothing more than a new calendar.
I feel if I tell enough people, that I won't back down. But the funny thing is I don't want to back down. I'm actually looking forward to it. Of course, right now is the most stressful time for me (at my job), and that is only amplified by the unsettled personnel issues.
I don't know how I'll fill my days... that's something I'm starting to think about. Rich is worried and he's always had things to do that keep him busy. That's not me, though.. so who knows what will come of that.
But I have to say that while I love my colleagues (most of them) and like my work, I don't want to do it anymore. There's a reason people change jobs/careers every 7 years.
Until next time....
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
82 Days
82 days... that's a scary thought. As I drag myself into work everyday, I think... starting with the new year, I won't have to do this anymore! Then I get here, socialize with friends and colleagues, do my job, feel I have some worth (even if just a little) to this organization. Then I realize I really don't. Right now, people who know of my plans (and don't believe them) say comforting things like; "we'll be lost without you." "they don't realize what they'll lose once your gone." But who am I kidding? People come and go all the time and for a few weeks they might remember I knew this, or did this, or some such... eventually someone else will know and do.
I remind myself of what I tell others. If you feel you're invaluable, think about a bucket of water with your finger in it... once you take your finger out what happens? Right, nothing.. the water closes in like your finger was never there, and so it will be.
I think about my conversation with Rich the other day when he said he has no purpose. I told him that wasn't true, and it isn't.. your job does not give you purpose. But... now that that seed has been planted, will that be me too? A feeling of purposelessness (wow, is that even a word?).
So as I sit here today, head pounding, eyes burning trying to catch up on all the things that have to get done and that I want done before I say my goodbyes, I think.... will anyone notice? or even care? If not, then this wasn't my purpose.
I think Rich and I will find a new purpose... maybe just enjoy ourselves, our family and the world around us!
Until next time...
I remind myself of what I tell others. If you feel you're invaluable, think about a bucket of water with your finger in it... once you take your finger out what happens? Right, nothing.. the water closes in like your finger was never there, and so it will be.
I think about my conversation with Rich the other day when he said he has no purpose. I told him that wasn't true, and it isn't.. your job does not give you purpose. But... now that that seed has been planted, will that be me too? A feeling of purposelessness (wow, is that even a word?).
So as I sit here today, head pounding, eyes burning trying to catch up on all the things that have to get done and that I want done before I say my goodbyes, I think.... will anyone notice? or even care? If not, then this wasn't my purpose.
I think Rich and I will find a new purpose... maybe just enjoy ourselves, our family and the world around us!
Until next time...
Thursday, October 4, 2012
88 Days
88 Days. that's what my ticker says. Rich's retirement began today, officially... His birthday. Last night he told me he's not sure he did the right thing, he doesn't know what to do, he has no purpose. I expected he'd have some adjustment, but this revelation took me by surprise. Makes me want to give a second thought to following suit.
I know that I, too, will miss the everyday and the camaraderie of the job. But how can you miss the BS and the aggravation and constant stress. Maybe if we were off together we would both feel better. I think we probably both need to find something to do with our time, be it volunteer or pay.
I told Rich to volunteer at the animal shelter one or two days a week until the beginning of the year and then decide what you want to do.
Funny how something you were so sure of, suddenly doesn't seem like the right idea. I think it will be rough for a few months, but we'll find our way.
D
I know that I, too, will miss the everyday and the camaraderie of the job. But how can you miss the BS and the aggravation and constant stress. Maybe if we were off together we would both feel better. I think we probably both need to find something to do with our time, be it volunteer or pay.
I told Rich to volunteer at the animal shelter one or two days a week until the beginning of the year and then decide what you want to do.
Funny how something you were so sure of, suddenly doesn't seem like the right idea. I think it will be rough for a few months, but we'll find our way.
D
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